Expert Tips on Embracing and Appreciating Your Body
Not being totally in love with your body is almost the norm these days. Even psychotherapists admit this goal of being impressed with every part of your body all the time is a bit unrealistic. But there are various ways you can actively work on developing a healthier relationship with your body — and know that you’re not alone in feeling dissatisfied with the way you see yourself in the mirror.
“Body dissatisfaction is an experience many people, if not most of us, have at some points throughout our lives, where we have negative thoughts and feelings about our bodies,” says licensed mental health counselor Pam Skop, L.M.H.C., an eating disorder specialist and owner of EveryBody Psychotherapy NYC. “These [negative thoughts] can be specific to certain body parts or more general overall thoughts around perceived flaws.”
Body dissatisfaction can be distressing and social media often perpetuates comparison. But don’t fault yourself for having these feelings as you scroll your Instagram feed. Psychotherapist Kim Hertz, L.C.S.W.-R at NY Therapy Practice explains that comparing yourself to others is a way for your brain to identify and analyze your place in the world.
“It is a way to try and understand where we stand socially in relation to others,” she says. However, where this seemingly harmless analysis turns sour is when you begin to assume that influencers and celebrities are doing better than you because of the way they portray their identity online. “Comparing ourselves to these unrealistic beauty norms and standards may lead to the conclusion that we aren’t measuring up, which can result in feelings of inferiority and insecurity.”
There are several things to keep in mind as you sift through your favorite social media accounts. As Skop notes, the goal of many brands' and influencers’ posts on social media is to grab your attention and provoke you to optimize yourself by buying a certain product or following the same routines they do. “This creates a system where we start to think ‘if only I ate or moved like that person then I would look like them and finally be happy,’” she says. However, this doesn’t take one key reality into account: Everyone’s body is different thanks to genetics and, in part, certain lifestyle factors. And that’s both entirely normal and OK.
“When we only see representation of one type of body that creates the idea that this is how bodies should look and that every other body is wrong,” Skop says. “While there are many people out there trying to fight this idea, the mainstream idea is still that bodies should either be very thin or very muscular and that anything else is a failure.”
It’s so easy to succumb to the narratives and images you’re constantly fed online and even plastered onto billboards. However, there are actionable ways you can start manifesting body acceptance now.
“Body acceptance recognizes and embraces bodies of all shapes, sizes, and types,” says Hertz. “It pushes against the dominant and unrealistic cultural standard for bodies and beauty.” Body acceptance and body neutrality are often used interchangeably as they share a few similar goals. Skop says both terms dismiss the notion of body positivity, which is often based on the idea that you need to love your body all the time. Not only is this largely unattainable, but it’s also not supportive of cultivating a realistic relationship with your body. The goal both terms encourage is to take the spotlight off the body and eliminate the obsession of needing it to look a certain way.
“I always talk to my clients about their bodies becoming the least important thing about them,” says Skop. “Body acceptance and body neutrality both come from a place of recognizing your body as it is and allowing it to be that way.”
Stephanie Roth-Goldberg, L.C.S.W., an eating disorder psychotherapist at Intuitive Psychotherapy adds that body acceptance and body neutrality both intend to help you treat your vessel with respect. “Both body acceptance and neutrality remind us that our worth is not tied to our body,” she says. All three experts share empowering tips on how you can start cultivating a more accepting relationship with your body.
A “cleanse” can take on a lot of interpretations, and each expert offers a different suggestion on how you can create a healthier environment for yourself on social media. Hertz encourages reducing your time spent on social media altogether, but that’s not to say it has to be a hiatus or complete ban from the apps. “My clients who have reduced their social media usage by even 10% report feeling less body dissatisfaction and preoccupation,” she says.
Skop recommends taking time to curate your social media feed by unfollowing accounts that trigger feelings of comparison and self-doubt. She adds that her clients often respond well to this type of cleanse. “Together, we often work on finding more neutral accounts with reminders that all bodies deserve respect, or finding accounts that are more representative of that person's body,” she says. “Representation matters and it can be a relief to see others who look more like you.”
Roth-Goldberg concurs, saying that if you find there are people or certain accounts that make you feel bad about your body then she emphasizes to delete them from your feed. “Being conscious about how we feel when we use social media can significantly help us stop comparing our bodies,” she says.
Skop encourages setting boundaries with how often (and how long) you look at yourself in the mirror, especially if it often leads to self-criticism. 'Research shows that the more time we spend focusing on our bodies, the more intensely we are impacted by how they look,” she says.
She goes on to explain that “body checking” in the mirror is common in those with certain eating disorders, and those who struggle with body image. “The more time they spend looking at themselves the more distress this will cause,” she says. “I recommend that clients put full-length mirrors behind closet doors so they need to think for an extra moment before engaging in this behavior.”She also tells her clients to set time limits on how long they allow themselves to look in the mirror. She recommends you try this too by setting an alarm, especially if you find it hard to pull yourself away from the mirror.
Roth-Goldberg recommends ditching clothes that are too small. “Donate, upcycle, sell, do whatever — but, don't keep clothes that don't fit,” she says. “It’s hard to be comfortable when clothes are small. When we are uncomfortable, we cannot let go of [thoughts about] our body.”
When you wear clothes that fit, you’re less hyper-aware about the fabric that may be rubbing against too tightly. And again, get rid of the clothes that don’t fit you right now because keeping those articles of clothing sends a message to your brain that you don’t accept the way your body currently looks, explains Roth-Goldberg.
Skop concurs, adding that, “It’s not uncommon to hold onto those favorite pairs of jeans in the hopes that they may fit one day.” However, this can torment you in the interim and make you think you need to change your body.
“For many of my clients, getting rid of that pair of jeans can be a hard, but liberating experience as they allow their bodies to be comfortable in new clothes that fit well,” she says.
How you speak to yourself can influence the way you see yourself. “An experience I come across very frequently with clients is that they lack self-compassion when engaging with themselves,” Skop says. “Their inner dialogues may continue saying negative things to themselves about their bodies.”
She recommends working on identifying this self-talk as it arises and then reframing it. Think about how you would talk to a best friend or even a child, she says. “When you notice the thoughts of ‘I look terrible’ or ‘I hate my body,” try to say to yourself, ‘I realize I am having a hard time with my body today and that is OK, but I still deserve to eat and wear clothes that fit just as everyone who I love does,” Skop says. Another approach? Hertz encourages welcoming these negative thoughts and letting them pass as opposed to dwelling on it.
“It can be overwhelming, and unrealistic, to turn a negative thought into a positive one,” Hertz says. “Instead, allow thoughts to come up, observe them, and let them pass. Within 2-3 minutes, my clients have said the intensity of their thoughts lessened.”
When you engage in physical activity that you don’t particularly like, it sends this message that you “need” to do something in order for a better version of yourself to exist, Roth-Goldberg suggests.
“Experiment with different types of exercises — make a list of things you have wanted to try and check them off,” she says. “I like to have clients rate things by a simple thumbs up or thumbs down.” If you’re able to let go of any tormenting thoughts and be one with your body while performing it, then that exercise deserves a thumbs up. Now, if you are anxiously waiting for the workout to finish, that form of movement may get a thumbs down.
Skop agrees, encouraging you to connect to your body in ways that feel good to you. “Explore things that you really enjoy, such as walking or hiking, and start to do those activities more as opposed to those you do to try to change your body,” she says. Research demonstrates that people are more likely to keep engaging in exercises they have fun doing instead of doing any type of movement that might help change the way they look.
Accepting your body can be a challenge and that journey is unique to everyone. Know that help is available to you if you need it. If you find yourself regularly preoccupied with your appearance or have recently made extreme changes to your diet or exercise routine, it may be time to consult with a relevant health professional, Hertz suggests.
“If you are struggling with your body image, working with a licensed psychotherapist who works with those with body image challenges can be very valuable,” Skop says. “These can be people with degrees including mental health counselor, social worker, marriage and family therapist, creative arts therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist.” There is hope — you are not beholden to those persistent negative body image thoughts. The road to healing begins as soon as you say “go.”
