Inadequacy, ADHD, RSD, and Imposter Syndrome: The Battle Within

Living with ADHD often involves dealing with a fundamental feeling of inadequacy. It's a topic that isn't frequently addressed. People with ADHD often face a constant sense that they aren't smart, capable, or productive enough—a feeling that is amplified due to constant criticism throughout their lives. This negative feedback loop can lead to severe self-esteem issues and give rise to social anxiety, often manifesting in forms such as rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), imposter syndrome, and perfectionism.

These facets of social anxiety often overlap and can occur concurrently. They contribute significantly to the negative inner state many ADHD individuals contend with, primarily characterized by a perpetual feeling of being "not good enough".

Social anxiety manifests as a crippling fear of situations that could result in humiliation, rejection, or judgment. It involves continually worrying about the opinions of others and fearing negative judgments about one's behavior or character. These fears could be the result of past judgments from neurotypical individuals who lacked understanding about ADHD and its symptoms. The belief that you know what others think about you and it is adverse can be overwhelming.

Social anxiety also results in overestimating the potential negative effects of social situations. It can lead to a belief that any faux-pas or mistake could be irreparable. This perception is usually underpinned by a belief that you are at a disadvantage from the onset. You could undervalue your worth and significance to others in your life and fear exclusion for deviating from the norm. This fear is often a response to previous experiences of marginalization for being different. As a person with ADHD expressed, "It never crosses my mind that anybody else could be at fault, because, growing up, I was always the problem."

Furthering the self-consciousness caused by social anxiety is RSD - rejection sensitive dysphoria. RSD refers to the extreme emotional pain associated with actual or perceived rejection, criticism, or just plain teasing. These severe feelings are connected to the conviction that you have disappointed others, embarrassed yourself or committed an irreversible mistake. Fear of loss of support, love, or respect from others is a major component of RSD.

Like social anxiety, RSD results from being criticized and negatively judged for being just who you are. RSD results from feeling inadequate or "too much"—too distracted, too scattered, too forgetful, or too self-absorbed.

RSD results in low self-confidence in interpersonal relationships. For you, rejection equates to danger, and you often expect rejection or problems in social situations. Consequently, you may find yourself indulging in people-pleasing behavior to avoid conflicts and disapproval.

Perfectionism involves setting unattainable standards for yourself driven by the fear of disappointing yourself or others. Similar to RSD, perfectionism can also manifest as people-pleasing. You strive to be perfect due to your deep-rooted fear of failure, which you associate with rejection, exclusion, and judgment.

Eventually, perfectionism serves as an ineffective way to control outcomes—a cornerstone of anxiety. This fear of rejection and disapproval feeds perfectionism. It leads to black-and-white thinking common in ADHD—if it’s not entirely right, it’s regarded as a complete failure. Constant comparison to others (the "compare-and-despair" cycle) is also a characteristic of perfectionism, often observed among neuro-diverse individuals. Perfectionists often experience disappointment and resort to procrastination when unable to meet their own high standards.

Imposter syndrome is another common issue. If you suffer from this, you often feel like a fraud, doubting your abilities and questioning your achievements. These feelings of being an imposter are fuelled by the belief that your mistakes and imperfections prove that you're not intelligent. Moreover, you may fear others will discover that your competence is merely an act.

People with imposter syndrome often dismiss compliments, attributing their success to luck rather than talent or skill. "If that person only really knew how I am…" may be a common thought. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome persists regardless of any number of achievements because its foundation lies in a belief of fundamental flaws. This is often the result of living as a neuro-diverse individual in a neurotypical world.

Imposter syndrome is strongly linked to perfectionism. Just like perfectionists, you depend on others for validation and approval, rather than learn how to fill that cup up for yourself. Imposter syndrome also contributes to procrastination, especially when there’s concern about failure.