Teaching Essential Life Skills to Adolescents with ADHD: Laundry, Mornings, and Cooking Mastery

Q: "I'm the parent of a soon-to-be 16-year-old son, who I hope will grow into a responsible young man. We don't have the financial means for an ADHD coach or external sources to impart necessary life skills. How should I approach this to ensure my son gets the right knowledge?" — Worried Parent

Hello, Worried Parent:

Equipping teens, especially those with ADHD, with life skills is vital for their progression towards becoming dependable and self-reliant adults. Even if an ADHD coach or external resources are beyond your budget, there are numerous methods you can employ to assist your son.

Here are several insightful suggestions to point you in the right direction.

Begin by being truthful with yourself. Is it time for you to reassess your approach and back off? Constantly stepping in and taking over isn't beneficial for your son in the long run.

While you might believe you're functioning as a support system, you might inadvertently be communicating to him that he's incapable. The more frequently children perceive themselves this way, the less likely they are to independently handle tasks.

I mention this not to guilt-trip you or to make you feel inadequate as a parent. In fact, the opposite is true. We are naturally inclined to fix and solve problems as parents. If we introspect, it's often easier and quicker to micromanage matters ourselves. However, allowing some space for our children to develop can be crucial for their future success, albeit requiring patience and tenacity.

A tip-within-a-tip: Gradually release control over trivial responsibilities. Identify chores or tasks that won't affect other people in the house even if they're not executed perfectly or "on time". Encourage your son to take charge of his own laundry or room cleaning, these tasks are excellent examples of "low stakes" responsibilities.

Can he wake up on his own in the morning? Check! Does he make it to school on time with minimal nudging? Check!

Consider this: he won't exert himself to grasp a certain skill or take ownership over it, if everyone around him seems more invested or harder working than him.

I understand your predicament. You wish to see your son independent and capable, but are anxious that things might slip through the cracks if left solely to him. As a parenting coach, I can empathize with this emotional struggle. Remember that your son will continue to rely on you as long as you mandate it.

Let's clarify that I am not suggesting handing over the controller without imparting him with the necessary abilities to wield it. You need to ensure that he comprehends what is expected of him and knows how to execute.

A tip within a tip: Encourage your son to undertake minor daily chores like taking the garbage out or refilling the canine's water dish. Accomplishing such small tasks can boost his confidence in facing more challenging assignments.

Here's why this is vital: teaching life skills doesn't necessarily need to be tedious or authoritarian. It can be interactive and amusing. If your son demonstrates a knack for guitar or baking, ask him to teach you.

During the lockdown, my son Eli undertook teaching my husband to play the ukulele. He made timetables, drew up lesson blueprints and even set up a practice zone in our home. He was organically and creatively fine-tuning his organization, time management, planning, and prioritizing skills.

I suggest you not to fix a deadline for imparting life skills to your son. This might only lead to frustration if you sense time is running out. As a parent of full-grown, independent children I can assure you, teaching life skills to your children never really ends. This is merely a launching pad.

All the best!

Leslie Josel, an ADHD Family Coach from Order Out of Chaos, caters to ADDitude readers' queries about anything from chaotic paper accumulation to disastrous bedrooms, mastering to-do lists to punctuality.