Ways to Prevent Comparing Your Present Body with Your Past Self

Occasionally, my iPhone surprises me with old pictures from my camera roll. These photos surface as memories, often packaged in themed slideshows like 'Beach Fun' or 'New Year's Celebrations through the Years.' While these reminders of good times with friends should induce a feeling of happiness, at 35, such images only remind me of my past thinner, younger self which I can no longer be.

I comprehend that change is unavoidable and comparing myself to my past self will only rob me of joy. But why is it so hard to accept that the younger, slimmer person in these images is a version of me that I can't return to?

Neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez frequently supports patients in her clinic to overcome the dilemma of body comparison. She suggests that societal norms propagate thinness as a desirability index; a biased cultural perception that equates it with charm and accomplishment. This deeply embedded viewpoint can result in individuals feeling their self-worth is linked to their looks. Breaking away from this mindset and accepting current physical states can prove quite challenging.

Contrary to how difficult it may seem, it is indeed possible to escape the cycle of comparison and develop love and respect for your current body as it is, without brooding over past appearances. This article will discuss how to detach from your past body and embrace your current self.

Angela Ficken, a licensed psychotherapist based in Boston who primarily works with patients suffering from eating disorders, asserts that our body image plays a significant role in influencing our self-esteem. Conforming to societal beauty standards can foster the belief that attractiveness exists only in certain body types, leading to a negative body image among those who don’t fit these popular ideals.

Having grown up during the early 2000s, the idea that beauty equals thinness was instilled in me as a teenager. The depiction of slim actresses on TV screens and magazines, coupled with the additional attention I received when I was thin, only reinforced this preconceived notion.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Carol Chu-Peralta points out that such life experiences create hard-to-break connections in our brains. She explains that favorable feedback when we are thin strengthens this association with joy. Moreover, the media's persistent idealization of thinness as ‘beautiful’ and ‘desirable,' deepens this perception even further.

The continual societal reiteration about the significance of thinness, coupled with unrealistic and often edited beauty standards promoted by the media, can be very damaging for a person's self-esteem and body image. Experts cite that continuous exposure to such unrealistic guidelines can gradually erode our self-worth. Alyssa Scolari, a licensed professional counselor who often encounters patients struggling with self-esteem issues, argues that persistently comparing ourselves with others can amplify feelings of inadequacy, particularly if we think we can't match up to those we are comparing ourselves with.

This relentless self-comparison to these unrealistic ideals can lead to severe problems. The stress and anxiety resulting from such comparisons might take a toll on our physical and mental health, says Hafeez. "The danger of developing or worsening eating disorders also heightens as people may resort to harmful habits to attain an unrealistic body image," she adds.

Now, understanding the lure of comparing our present selves to our past nostalgic versions, it becomes crucial to realize the cost of such constant comparison. "Focusing on how our body used to look may prohibit appreciation of the present, leading to dissatisfaction and an inability to recognize the achievements and strengths of our current selves," explains Ficken. No matter how ‘out of shape' you might feel in comparison to your past, feeling embarrassed about your present body might hinder you from setting realistic, healthy goals for your current self. "Constantly reflecting on past body sizes can create impractical objectives, which can negatively affect motivation for positive alterations," concludes Ficken.

Constantly comparing your current body to your past one is not only unproductive — as Chu-Peralta points out, it's also pretty unfair. 'It completely dismisses so much of what we don’t have control over that impacts our bodies — such as our life circumstances, hormone changes, different chronic or acute ailments,' she says, not to mention beautiful life changes like giving birth. 'Focusing on the past leaves us with little room to appreciate some of what we might have right now that is working for us,' says Chu-Peralta.

Breaking free from the comparison trap is easier said than done. But with a conscious, continued effort, it's possible to live in the present and love the body you're in. Here are a few ways to get started.

Practice gratitude. It's so easy to look in the mirror and focus on the things we don't like about our bodies. But the truth is, all of us inevitably take what our body does for us daily for granted. 'By acknowledging and celebrating the small things — like being able to walk, dance, or simply breathe — we start to foster a sense of kindness and appreciation for our bodies,' says Scolari. 'It's like sending a thank you note to ourselves for all the amazing things our bodies do for us every day.' The next time your body gets you up a flight of stairs, or allows you to carry in a heavy load of groceries, give it a pat on the back.

Be mindful of self-talk. How we talk about our bodies, whether in our thoughts or even out loud in confidence with friends, can greatly impact our body image. When these self-judgmental thoughts creep in, Chu-Peralta says to be mindful of what these thoughts tell you. 'If I tell myself that I'm ugly and fat, it must mean that I care about my body, or how my body looks,' she says as an example. 'I can now choose to reframe my judgment of 'I'm ugly' to 'I must really care about how my body looks, and I'm dissatisfied with it,' and choose to do something helpful about it, so long as I'm practicing the mindset of seeing my body as something I need to give back to, instead of objectifying it.'

Consider a social media detox. Spending hours a day on social media scrolling through filtered photos of thin, fit Instagram models can make it feel like you're the only one who doesn't fit in with this image. 'Stepping away gives you a chance to disconnect from these potentially skewed perceptions,' says Scolari. She recommends using this hiatus to focus on activities that make you feel good about your body. 'Whether it's hobbies, exercise, or spending quality time with friends and family, these experiences can enhance self-esteem and provide a more balanced perspective on body image.'

Incorporate positive affirmations. Saying positive affirmations about our bodies aloud helps shift our mindsets to be more kind and positive. The key is to choose affirmations you truly believe. 'Find one that really aligns with the mindset you want to ultimately adopt about how you view your body,' says Chu-Peralta. 'Then practice it multiple times a day in a mindful manner. Focus on the words and how they feel in your mind and body while you say the affirmation.'

Focus on healthy vs. thin. Shifting the focus away from pursuing an ideal body type to living a healthier lifestyle starts with redefining your goals. 'Instead of aiming for a specific look or weight, we can set objectives around overall well-being, like eating nutritious foods because they make us feel good or exercising for strength and energy, not just appearance,' says Scolari. 'By making these changes, we move towards a mindset where health and well-being are priorities, and pursuing an ideal body becomes less central.'

Surround yourself with people who love and accept their bodies. Who we spend time with impacts our thoughts, beliefs and even our body image. When you're around others with a healthy and accepting view of their bodies, it creates a positive environment that encourages similar feelings in yourself,' says Scolari. If you don't have people in your current circle who feel this way, plenty of online and in-person communities embrace body positivity. Try looking at Facebook groups and local community boards or find a fitness class or gym where the goal is to feel good — not be thin.

Embracing your current body is a journey. Breaking down old ways of thinking about an ideal body can take time, so being kind to yourself is important. 'Our minds and bodies are complex, and there are no simple hacks that can change a lifetime of habitual thinking patterns,' says Chu-Peralta. However, with time and the right support system, changing these negative thinking patterns about our bodies is possible — and you don't have to do it alone. 'If you are ready to try on a new mindset and change your relationship with your body, try finding a licensed psychologist or therapist who specializes in body image to help you get 'unstuck' and move forward.'