The Ineffectiveness of New Year's Resolutions for Adults with ADHD

As another year closes, we often feel compelled to consider all the things we should and could change in the coming year.

Every year I motivate myself to make changes, signing up for a gym membership, dance class or yoga retreat. I invest in new athletic shoes and workout clothes, optimistically looking forward to a healthier future.

But inevitably, after a couple of gym sessions, my commitments crumble. I've either hurt my knees, have to work late or forget about dinner. I barely have enough energy to put on my trainers. I'm overwhelmed and frustrated, and before I know it, I've given up on my workout ambitions and my New Year's resolutions have failed.

Despite this, I deeply desire change. I envision being the type of person who rises early, slips into her gleaming trainers and hits the gym before the daybreak.

I aspire to be the diligent woman on the treadmill, lifting weights and breaking a sweat. But however eagerly I yearn for this, it feels unattainable.

The truth is, I want to want to change. In reality, I don't have the determination needed to make these changes.

I find the notion of consistency, resolution, habit and routine distressing. The prospect of doing the same thing each day is unbearable. While I manage daily habits like brushing my teeth, showering, and drinking coffee, creating and maintaining a routine doesn't come naturally to me.

Admittedly, for someone with ADHD, routines are inherently challenging. Common ADHD tendencies complicate the adoption of new behaviours. It's demanding to change, and even more so to establish a new habit.

When I have managed to make a successful resolution to change, it's because the end benefits outweigh the initial discomfort.

I promise myself that I'm prepared to endure the discomfort in order to reap the rewards. Still, the typical resolutions related to exercise, healthy eating and weight loss are too immense for me. Several years ago, I made two simpler resolutions: to make my bed daily and to wash my dishes before bedtime. I adhere to these habits as they provide stress relief that is worth the initial hassle.

Here's how I manage to maintain my resolutions all year without getting bored.

Like infants learning to walk, forming a new habit takes time, patience and repetition until it becomes second nature.

By starting slow, it's easier to reach modest goals. For instance, it's less daunting to aim for losing 5 pounds instead of 50, or to set aside 10 minutes for exercise instead of an hour. As a former dance and yoga instructor, I've observed many classgoers who overdo it at the beginning, despise the experience, hurt themselves and then never return.

By slowing down, I savour the moment. Alice, my ADHD tends to swing to extremes, so in order to form a lasting habit, I need to strive for balance.

Given my propensity for setting unrealistic goals, it's better to set achieveable targets. Rather than feeling let down for falling short, I should celebrate small victories.

For instance, instead of aiming to lose weight, it would be more effective to focus on adopting healthier habits.

Keeping in mind why I want to be fit can also be helpful. Whether I want to go on a mountain hike with my spouse or longer bike rides with my family, self-improvement can be driven by my love for my family, providing strong motivation.

New habits seem less of a burden when I consider the benefits they bring. For instance, quitting a cookie addiction can be challenging but seeing improved cholesterol levels in my blood tests gives me motivation to continue.

Having ADHD doesn't mean I can't make changes. By understanding the impacts of ADHD, I can overcome related obstacles. It is different for everyone, and acknowledging its effects on me specifically helps me navigate its challenges and prevents me from being held back by it.

When I joined a High-Intensity Interval Training class with a friend, we knew it would be a true test of our endurance, both physical and mental. We encouraged each other to attend no matter what. And it worked. We attended that class consistently for years.

When my messy desk is out of control, I ask my organized niece to help me get started. I've also hired a professional organizer to customize a system that works for me. Never be ashamed to ask for help.

Habits can actually fatigue my ADHD brain. Repeating the same behavior over and over feels like an unfathomable chore. To stick with a regular exercise regime, for example, I had to become an instructor. Knowing that a class full of people was waiting for me was the most powerful motivation. As soon as I stopped teaching, I stopped working out regularly.

Doing something good for myself is rarely motivation enough. To make a new habit stick, I have to find that special something that sparks my soul. And when I can’t find it, I try something new and keep searching until I do.

It is easy to drop pounds when there’s a wedding dress or a high school reunion waiting on the other side. In the absence of those big-ticket deadlines, I find I need to tap into my greatest passions and make them my reward for hard work.

Do you enjoy seeing the sunrise? If you love photographing the morning sunrise, then make that your daily exercise. Do you wish you had more time for discovering new music? Make Spotify your reward for (and during) a daily jog.

Too often, I listen to the false beliefs of my past: “I'll never finish anything.” “I'll love it; then I'll hate it.” “I know I'll quit soon.” These are inaccurate creations of my psyche. But since I've been hearing these false mental messages for such a long time, I think they're true. Just because I failed once, doesn’t mean I’ll fail every time.

I don't have to believe every thought that passes through my mind. I’m not a slob because I don't hang up my clothes every day. I’m not stupid when I forget to take in the dry cleaning and drive around with clothes in my car for weeks. Every minute is an opportunity to do something different. If I keep believing I can't, then I won't.

I spend most of the day feeling that I’ll never finish my to-do list. Instead of remembering the times I did achieve my goals, I remember the times I failed. Thinking about a task’s perceived difficulty stops me from even attempting it. Too often, I waste time complaining about how overwhelmed I feel or how hard it is to change. Ultimately, I talk myself out of trying a new challenge. My goal for the New Year: Think about those times when I really, truly wanted something so badly that I made it happen — no matter what. Those successes are my benchmark.

We are not quitters, but anyone with ADHD will tell you that the daily frustration is painful to push through. Emotional crises, worries, and fears at times become overwhelming and make me less tolerant to deal with challenges. To succeed, I know I have to set a goal, face my battles head-on, and be consistent. This means admitting that my goal won’t be achieved easily, but that I'm tough, driven, and resilient enough to push through. I can. And I will.