Exclusive: John Fetterman Unveils the Untold Sorrow Behind His Election Night Triumph Address and Oath-Taking Ceremony.

After a tumultuous six months, Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman admits to experiencing chronic depression, which only intensified after winning the midterms. He describes feeling a lot of pain that he had not addressed, similar to the depression he experienced. During an interview with PEOPLE at his home in Braddock, Pennsylvania, Fetterman makes a candid confession that, although he won the race against Dr. Mehmet Oz in the biggest moment of his career, he did not feel a sense of joy. Rather, his depression made him feel like he had lost, and he was grateful for not letting his supporters down. He believed that he had been compartmentalizing the sadness during the campaign, triggered by his stroke in May 2022 and personal attacks during the Senate race. Winning the race caused the "check for depression [to come] due."

After the victory, he stopped wanting to leave his house and spent most of his time avoiding talking about the election because it added to his depression. His wife, Gisele Barreto Fetterman, had been encouraging him for years to seek treatment for his lingering depression but never pressed the issue. She says she had to remove responsibility from herself and accept him as he was, but she feared for him after he won the race he remained at his lowest.

Fetterman has so far reported functional anxiety, earning national prominence as the mayor of Braddock, then flipping a senate seat blue. However, his depression became unbearable after winning the election, and Gisele sensed that he was off during the swearing-in ceremony with Vice President Kamala Harris.

After realizing that he was not functional enough to be a senator and that it wasn't what Pennsylvania or his family deserved, Fetterman checked into the Walter Reed Medical Center's neuropsychiatry unit on Feb. 15. Despite skepticism about the effectiveness of the treatment, Fetterman was able to turn his mindset around and find joy in everyday life with the help of his doctors, gradually reversing his depression.

For more from Sen. John Fetterman's emotional sit-down with PEOPLE, subscribe now to the magazine or pick up this week's issue, on newsstands Friday.

Now, after more than six weeks of inpatient treatment and several days at home recharging before returning to work on Monday, Fetterman feels confident in his ability to do the job at hand. He still uses a closed-captioning monitor to assist with the remnants of his auditory processing issues, he still stumbles on words and he still gets criticism from both sides of the aisle — but he is present, optimistic and eager to spread the message that, partisanship aside, people deserve to find the same happiness that he never thought he could.

Reflecting on his mental state now, he emphatically tells PEOPLE: 'I want you to understand that it's not back to just bearable. It's just actually joy. And I can't wait to get back in the life fully. That's where I'm at.'