Co-Parenting Strategies for ADHD Families in Separate Homes

Effective co-parenting necessitates cooperation, open communication, and effective organization across households. This is particularly essential for children with ADHD who require structured environments. However, this doesn't always run seamlessly. A survey conducted during a webinar on co-parenting issues revealed that approximately 25% of the participants identified uncooperative co-parenting as their most significant challenge. A number of other challenges associated with co-parenting were also noted.

In this context, some ADDitude readers shared their successful strategies employed to manage logistics, transitions, ADHD treatment, and more while co-parenting across households.

It was revealed that the structure widely varies between the two households. For instance, one household operates on a well-defined structure, routine, and meltdown management plan. In contrast, the other household, typically meant for the weekends, will not focus on any rules or routines, providing rather a relaxed setting. To counterbalance this disparity, an assistive aide is deployed at the second, more relaxed household to support with tasks like homework, self-care, reminders, and emotional check-ins. – Quoted from an ADDitude Reader

The shared belongings of the children are typically organized in a single bag that is labeled and sectioned according to its contents, which never leave the bag. The bag is hung on a specific hook at each household. - Another ADDitude Reader

Maintaining open communication between co-parents is also beneficial. For instance, details about significant upcoming deadlines can be shared, especially with a parent who likes to maintain control, ensuring that tasks get completed. – Jennifer, Australia

Daily updates about the children are shared through text messages between the co-parents. While the mother plays her part by taking care of the supplies, the father checks on the learning management system. Both parents copy each other on school-related emails. The initial challenges were balancing technology time while transitioning between the households. This was resolved by allowing the kids 30 minutes of tech time immediately after they move in to dad’s place. The parents further understood occasional forgetfulness and never blamed the children for it. – Katey, Minnesota

It was suggested that involving school counselors and teachers can help with coordinating tasks across households. - Katey's bonus advice

Co-parents can face difficulty managing things but establishing clear communication lines helps. Medicine stocks are distributed between the parents with clear labeling instructions. Additionally, organizing systems like Cozi Family Organizer and OurFamilyWizard can be useful. When things seem unmanageable, having a family meeting helps resolve issues. - April, Washington

Conducting emotional check-ins during drop-offs and addressing concerns instantly is also beneficial. – Jessie, Nevada

For co-parents with collective executive dysfunction, a complete set-up at each home proves advantageous. Moreover, having schools administer daily meds was a helpful suggestion by a child which resulted in a more consistent routine and eased the pressure of the daily exit scramble. Ensuring a gradual transition while enjoying the shared company is prioritized. Most importantly, grace plays a significant role in the transition between homes. - An ADDitude Reader

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