The Detrimental Effects of 'Phubbing' on Your Relationships

Are you ever guilty of scrolling through Instagram or TikTok instead of interacting with your partner? If so, you could be contributing to their feelings of loneliness and psychological distress, according to recent research.

The phenomenon in question is referred to as “phubbing”—a word that derives from the term phone snubbing—and it’s a rather recent but concerning trend.

“[It’s] the term we use when a person in your presence is neglected because you are on your phone,” explains Naomi Torres-Mackie, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital who was not part of the study, to Health.

Torres-Mackie explains that “the term was first used in 2012 in a marketing scheme”, and “has since entered our everyday language, as the use of mobile phones continues to grow, correlating with a rise in loneliness.”

A study recently shared in BMC Psychology suggests that individuals who feel that they are being phubbed are more likely to feel lonely or psychologically distressed, which can contribute to a decrease in life satisfaction.

Read on to understand the impact of phubbing on feelings of loneliness, how to manage if you’re a victim of phubbing, or how to combat a personal habit of phubbing.

In the study published in October, researchers surveyed 720 Romanian adults, between the ages of 18 and 77, asking them how often they feel phubbed and about their level of life satisfaction.

Participants who reported higher instances of perceived phubbing were found to exhibit greater psychological distress and feelings of loneliness. Even though phubbing was not directly tied to life satisfaction, those who felt lonelier were likely to experience more psychological distress and less life satisfaction.

Ryan Sultán, MD, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry and director of the Sultan Lab for Mental Health Informatics at Columbia University Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons, who was also not involved in the research, told Health that “the results suggest that phubbing can make people feel socially excluded, diminish the quality of communication, and produce lesser satisfaction in relationships.”

The researchers suggest that there is a need for better regulation of digital gadget use, such as smartphones, in the context of relationships. They also emphasize the need to understand how behaviours like phubbing impact individuals and how these habits can be effectively changed.

The influence of phubbing is extensive, affecting all interpersonal relationships, from romantic partnerships and friendships to professional relationships.

Sultán says that “[phubbing] can cause conflict and lower satisfaction in romantic relationships. In other interpersonal relationships, like with colleagues or friends, it can undermine trust and make people feel less valued.”

So, why does phubbing have such an effect? The answer revolves around the addictive nature of our digital devices.

Sultán explains that “the temptation to use digital devices comes from the surge of dopamine they provide,” implying that “dopamine—a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward—is released in response to the rewards garnered from social media interactions and notifications, which can trigger habitual device use and make stopping difficult.”

Torres-Mackie stresses that feelings associated with phubbing might have been heightened due to the COVID-19 pandemic. “With pandemic restrictions easing, we can be together once more, however, we can also be easily disappointed when in-person interactions are interrupted by cellphone use.”

Your response to phubbing will depend on whether you are the one being phubbed or the one doing the phubbing.

If you are at the receiving end of phubbing, Lokesh Shahani, MD, PhD, MPH, assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at UTHealth Houston's McGovern Medical School, suggests addressing the behaviour and demonstrating an alternative behaviour.

“Requesting they stop using their cellphone and inviting them to a ‘phone-free’, meaningful conversation” can be helpful, Shahani advises.

Shahani also believes that expressing your feelings in a sincere and candid manner can effectively communicate the effect of their actions. To quote Sultán, “Your time is valuable and it is not fair for someone to neglect you in favour of social media or non-critical digital activity.”

Conversely, if you are guilty of phubbing, you need to take steps to modify your behaviour - beginning with carving out moments to set your phone aside.

“Creating a ‘no phone zone’ or ‘no phone time’ is key in breaking these habits,” said Shahani. “We encourage people to put their phones away when having dinner with friends and family, or putting your phone away when driving in a car with family. This encourages people to communicate in a more personal manner and promotes healthy relationships.”

Another helpful tip is to mute notifications and change the settings on your phone so you won’t be disturbed.

“I recommend turning off notifications during interpersonal interactions and setting your phone to grayscale to reduce its appeal,” said Sultán. “This encourages presence in the moment and respects the people around you. Remember, the key to healthy interpersonal relationships is mutual respect and attention.”