The Adverse Impact of Parental Alienation on Families and Children with ADHD

When Nadine Vogel* divorced, she rented a four-bedroom house so that each of her children, who were aged 14, 16, and 18, could have their own room when they visited her as per the custody agreement - one night a week and on alternating weekends. However, her children rarely visited, and when they did, they were often angry and suspicious, repeating their father's accusations about Vogel. They alleged that she was crazy and over-medicated them for ADHD - which all three children had been diagnosed with - and that she was trying to cut them off from their dad and not to be trusted.

The experience that Vogel and her children faced is known as parental alienation, a form of emotional abuse that can have lasting effects on children. Parental alienation occurs when a child aligns with one parent and rejects the other, without any justification, due to manipulation by the favored parent. This can typically occur in highly conflictuous divorces, through methods of manipulation that include badmouthing the targeted parent, limiting contact, and interfering with communication.

A study recently published in The Children and Youth Services Review found that over 3.8 million children have been affected by parental alienation. These figures may not reflect the true extent of the problem, however, as "it's shameful and heartbreaking, so we don't talk about it," says Danielle Silverman*, a mother from New York City who has been alienated from her three kids, aged 22, 23, and 28, for several years.

The experts have highlighted the importance of identifying the behaviors of alienation early and treating the children effectively. "A mildly alienated child comes back after spending time with the other parent, may be a little suspicious, cold, wary, but that distrust only lasts an hour. It might take a full week for a moderately alienated child to warm up. Severely alienated children are shut down the whole time they're with the targeted parent - or they don't come [to see them] at all," says Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D., a co-author of Surviving Parental Alienation: A Journey of Hope and Healing.

It is necessary to point out that experts first need to determine whether a child is being alienated, the targeted parent has not committed abuse or neglect, which the other parent may have alleged.

Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., a senior fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families and the author of The Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict, states that children in alienation situations often suffer from depression and anxiety, face difficulty trusting themselves and others, and have low self-esteem, impulse control, and academic challenges. However, emotional abuse is usually invisible to teachers, social workers, and even family court judges involved in custody hearings, as per a report by the National Center for State Courts.

According to Coleman, "Your child is out to sea. They're being pushed underwater.” He further adds that "You have to be the lighthouse on the shore that's always on."

Examples of parental alienation behaviors include badmouthing the other parent, limiting contact, interfering with communication, and telling the children lies about the targeted parent.

*Vogel and Silverman asked that their names be changed.

Nicole Kear is Consumer Health Editor at ADDitude.

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