"My Young Neighbor Is Facing Abuse from Her Partner: What Can Be Done?"

In Lalalaletmeexplain 's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems. With over 200k Instagram followers, Lala is the anonymous voice helping womankind through every bump in the road. An established sex, dating and relationship educator, she’s had her fair share of relationship drama and shares her wisdom on social media to a loyal army of followers.

Every week thousands turn to her to answer their questions (no matter how embarrassing), and her funny, frank approach to love and relationships has made her the ultimate feel-good guru. For this week's column, simply continue reading...

Dear Lala,

My partner’s neighbour (I don’t live with him but stay over often) is very abusive of who I’m assuming is her partner (they are both women). It is constant shouting and often we can very clearly hear her hitting her and her partner screaming/crying in pain, asking her to stop hurting her, etc. She sometimes locks her out and doesn’t let her in the house. It’s so bad that just hearing it is anxiety-inducing. I’m not exactly sure of the family dynamics; these two women are quite young. At least one other woman (who I think is the victim’s mother) and two kids also live with them. Worst of the abuse happens when the older woman and kids are away during the day.

My partner once called the police on them and they just said everything was fine so the police just left. Other neighbours have also called the police in the past and nothing seems to have changed. Is there something you suggest I do? I’m really worried about the woman who is getting abused.

Lala Says,

This is very concerning. It sounds clear from your description that there is domestic abuse being perpetrated in your neighbour’s household and that the victim is at significant risk of harm, as are any children who reside in the home. Your partner did the right thing by calling the police. The police response was poor but that doesn’t mean that your partner, or you, shouldn’t phone again. You should call 999 if you ever hear the sounds of someone being hurt. Even if you get an inadequate response every time, keep calling. You are not wasting their time, if anything, they’re wasting their own time by not investigating robustly enough each time they attend a call to that address. As well as reporting every time, I would also make a log whenever you hear anything worrying. Detail the incident, time and date. If you can make recordings of what you hear, even better. Gather evidence, the victim might really need it one day. If you can, show it to the police. I would also urge you to contact your local MASH team. MASH is the front-door of children’s social services and it is important to alert them to your concerns as they have a duty to protect the children in the home from abuse. Alternatively you could make the same referral via www.nspcc.org.uk.

Do you have the opportunity to talk to the victim? If so, try but only in spaces where it is completely private and her family are nowhere near, like if you see her alone outside a shop. Tell her that you are worried by what you hear and tell her she can knock on your partner's door if she ever needs to flee. Give her the details of www.womensaid.org.uk if you can. You can also contact Women’s Aid yourself for advice. I would also suggest speaking to the other neighbours, can you create a safety net together? Can you invite her in when she is locked out?

You must do everything you can, which is basically just being alert and calling the police, but you can only do so much. She will appreciate the police calls, knowing that someone was trying to help her, even if she’s not yet at the stage where she is able to accept help. Stay alert and never hesitate to help in safe ways when you can, remain vigilant, but don’t try to get too actively involved. It may take her a long time before she feels able to leave or to get the partner to leave. If it’s her sister then it is even more complex. Either way, I hope that she can be free from this soon.