'I Must Shield My Disabled Son from His Neglectful Father' - Lalala Letmeexplain - OK! Magazine

In Lalalaletmeexplain 's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems. With over 200k Instagram followers, Lala is the anonymous voice helping womankind through every bump in the road. An established sex, dating and relationship educator, she’s had her fair share of relationship drama and shares her wisdom on social media to a loyal army of followers.

Every week thousands turn to her to answer their questions (no matter how embarrassing), and her funny, frank approach to love and relationships has made her the ultimate feel-good guru. For this week's column, simply continue reading...

Dear Lala,

How can I protect my disabled child when I can’t legally stop contact, but his dad neglects his needs? My ex left me two weeks into a planned pregnancy after meeting his now-wife. He spent the following year gaslighting me, telling me I was “too mental” to be with. We owned a home together, and I went through pregnancy and early motherhood alone. Our son, now five, began overnight stays with his dad at 14 months, every other weekend agreed through mediation. I used to have my sister handle handovers, but now I have to see my ex directly, which is often distressing.

At nursery, we used a monitored contact book, but his primary school won’t facilitate this, and communication has since escalated into emotional abuse. Our son is disabled, below all growth curves, and receives growth hormone injections and prescription fortified milk. His dad frequently refuses to administer either. He also makes cruel comparisons between our son and his younger child, calling the other one “healthy,” implying our son isn’t.

I recently found out he secretly married a year ago and didn’t include our son in the wedding. My son doesn’t always want to go for visits, but he has a bond with his half-brother, and I don’t want to take that away. I understand I can’t just stop contact. I know the legal system wouldn’t support that without cause. But how do I protect my child when his medical needs are being neglected, and I’m being emotionally harmed in the process? I’m looking for advice, practical, legal, or emotional on how to navigate this and advocate for my child without breaching any agreements.

Lala Says,

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. It is deeply painful to try to have to worry about your child’s basic safety whilst sending him off to his father’s. Even more so when you are experiencing emotional abuse. This must feel like a very unsafe situation. My biggest concern is the aspect of medical neglect. I don’t know the consequences of withholding the milk or the injections but your GP or health visitor will and so this needs to be urgently discussed with them. Depending on their level of concern, they may wish to make a referral to social services for further assessment. At the very least, they can add the information to medical records which you may later find helpful in court. If the withholding of those treatments would be life-threatening then I would certainly take immediate action and make an application to the courts.

You need clear legal advice. A wonderful person to follow/contact for this is Nieki Shaw @legallynik on Instagram. She is a child and family lawyer who runs private sessions for parents. Nieki says: “Many parents face the painful reality of knowing their child deserves more than what the law may appear to allow. While the Family Court can provide essential protections, it cannot regulate everything, which means that sometimes, your power lies in the boundaries you set and how you choose to respond. But let’s begin with the legal steps available to you. There are aspects of your case that raise serious safeguarding concerns, particularly your ex’s refusal to administer prescribed growth hormone injections or fortified milk. This goes beyond poor parenting and may amount to medical neglect.

To address this, you could apply under the Children Act 1989 for a Specific Issue Order (using Form C100), asking the court to direct that the father comply with your child’s medical treatment plan. You may also wish to seek a Child Arrangements ‘Lives With’ Order to confirm that your child resides primarily with you and has contact with their father only where safe and appropriate. These arrangements may be assessed by CAFCASS, who will consider risks including emotional harm and neglect. Unless domestic abuse is a factor, mediation is required again before you can apply to court. This provides a structured environment to raise concerns. If mediation fails, you’ll receive a MIAM certificate, allowing you to proceed with your application. Start gathering supporting evidence now. This could include medical records confirming your child’s diagnosis and treatment, messages where the father refuses to comply, and statements from professionals such as health visitors, teachers or GPs. Given the emotional abuse you describe, you can also ask the court to direct that all communication take place through a co-parenting app like Our Family Wizard. This centralises and secures communication, reducing conflict and creating accountability. Please remember you are your child’s greatest advocate. Wanting to protect your child’s health, safety and dignity is parenting with courage and clarity. The law can support you, but your strength leads the way.

As Nieki says, start making a record of every incident, note down every issue, every time something abusive is said. Gather your evidence. Above all, please know that you are not overreacting. Your instincts to protect your son medically, emotionally, and developmentally are valid. Just because contact is court-ordered or agreed through mediation doesn’t mean you have to silently endure mistreatment or allow your child’s needs to be ignored. The emotional abuse you’re experiencing is real and damaging, and it’s OK to name it. You can’t control his behaviour, but you can control the strength and clarity of your response. Your voice matters. Keep advocating, keep documenting, and keep asking for help from professionals who take you seriously. Be the loud, unwavering voice that your son doesn’t yet have. That balance, shielding him from harm while boldly naming what’s wrong, is what makes you a safe parent. You are not powerless in this you are already doing the most powerful thing by refusing to be silent. You don’t need to fight this alone. Reach out, get support, and take the next step forward. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner.